Peering

Peering into ones soul is a daunting and often frightening task. To see what you've always wished, and always feared to see at the same time. In one hand you have the good, the things in your life that make you proud to be who you are, and in the other, those things that would bring you tears...knowing what you have done. The human soul and mind are both amazing creations, we have both the ability to see right and wrong, and to choose which we will follow and make our own. But, at the same time, the ability to remember and the ability to understand what your actions cause and create, often fell as if they are to much to bear.
The weights of life can sometimes be a heavy burden upon our hearts and our bodies. For the past several years this has been all to true for me. I have allowed my heart to be hardened by the events in my life, and I have allowed myself to become bitter. Is this struggle, I have placed so much guilt and hate into my soul, that it became to disgusting for me to even pear into. So, I stopped peering into it....and allowed all this darkness to consume me....in a sense killing the very person I had worked so hard to become. People who knew me before this change, saw it in me when I was with my ex fiance, but I ignored them, and instead rushed forward into this dark pit of despair and hate I had dug for myself.
It has taken me almost 2 years now to see the complete error of my ways, and accept the fact that I have been forgiven and so I must also forgive. This isn't a hallmark moment that brought me to tears, nor did it rekindal old relationships. In fact, this realizations very being has probably destroyed what would have been a wonderful relationship with some one who is very dear to me, but whom I can barely manage a friendship with now. It isn't something I regret, but more something I accept with open arms. I know who I am, and I see my soul for what it is, filth and all, and I accept the consequences for my actions. But, I will no longer dwell on the past. God has presented me with the chance to reclaim my place in life, as I had originally intended to be. I am back on the path that I should have been on all along.
It is a true beauty to see into your own soul, and to no longer attempt to peer into others. It has taken me 5 years in all to finally see my own self, and to mold my own soul rather than allowing others to mold me, as I attempted to mold my life to meet tiers, and to also mold their hearts, after my own selfish direction.

The Prodical sons return

For the past few weeks I have been fighting with the essence of who I am. Inside it's felt like there were three different combinations of myself, fighting to gain control over the domination person that makes me who I am. But, I have finally chosen who I am, and who I am going to be. It's as a wise friend of mine, named Paul said-
"You are who you act to be, act as the person you want to be, and you will become that person. I was given the nick name "Super Paul", because I worked so hard. I made my self believe it, by doing it. I acted like Super Paul, and I became him.....now I'm the hardest worker my boss has, at least as far as ground workers go."
Paul was right, I watched him become that. And now, it's time I decide who I am, and now i know who I will be. I'm not going to say what it is now, because I want to see people seeing me change, and I want them to judge me for that person, as i become him. The transformation into Andrew Lee, the person I want to be....the person I always made myself out to be as a younger child.....
On another note, I decided how I am going to do school. I decided to go to Tulsa Community College for one more semester when I get home, so that I don't have to rush into getting a home to stay in, nor will I have to worry about getting home at a later time.
But for Now, I will leave you all with these words.....
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return." -- Leonardo da Vinci

The Sooner the Cowboy, the greater the flight?

Lately I have been trying to choose which path way I should take to my ultimate goal of flight and graduation from this eternal servitude ever so often referred to as college. See, if i go one way, there is a larger variety of aircraft to learn in and from. But, on the flip side, there are orange colored aircraft piloted by cowboys, and there aren't so many. One is cheaper then the other, but one has better facilities, the cheaper has less job opportunities and less of a housing district, while the more costly has plenty of job and intern opportunities, and plenty of places to live. There in lies my problem, see...I want to room with one of my best friends while I am there, but at the same time, I need to be able to have a job, and a fairly decent place to live. I don't know if I could handle living with 2 other people besides us, and on top of that, I don't know how much more security or PI work I can stand to do...... It's making me feel old, look old, and feel worthless. I like both of the colleges, but I don't know if I can get this friend to go to the other. I'm in need of divine intervention. So, I ask the question, is it to Soon to be a Cowboy, or is Sooner better then later, at least when it comes to land runs.

http://aviation2.okstate.edu/
http://www.aviation.ou.edu/about.html

-Andrew Lee

The Wind Sand and Star

"I fly because it releases my mind from the tyranny of petty things . . ." -- Antoine de St-Exupery

To the many of my friends who will not see me again for the many months to come, I start this new space, to share my thoughts and the dwellings of my minds inner being. I am heading to the lands of wind, sand, and stars to discover the beauties of human life, and the working of my own soul. to those of you who knew me before, I am earning my wings, and about to take flight into the wild blue yonder of this wonderful thing called life. It is time to sore, and possibly upon this flight I may open my eyes, and see the earth, and my life for what God always meant it to be.

"The airplane has unveiled for us the true face of the earth." -- Antoine de St-Exup?ry, 'Wind, Sand, and Stars,' 1939.

-Andrew Lee aka Jason Harwood